TOUCHING BASE 320
CRUCIAL CONVERSATIONS, PART 4
PILLOW TALK: The Naked Truth on Sexual Purity in the Church
Amanda Van Halteren
05 Feb 17
Before you start the conversation – make sure that everyone present actually wants to have the conversation. DO NOT assume that your group is going to talk about it. In other words, you need to clarify EXPECTATIONS. This is really important because this topic has so much guilt, shame and uncomfortable-ness. Addressing expectations and allowing people ownership of the group process will go a long way towards building trust.
With these initial questions, you are simply getting the “lay of the land” and helping people get a sense of where the “others” are around this topic. Using the questions, explore the possibility of a discussion. We’d also suggest letting these questions take up your entire discussion period AND give some space and silence for those who may need to journal or write or reflect before they join the discussion.
1. On a scale of 1-5, where are you anxiety-wise around having this conversation/topic? (5 being very anxious or don’t want to talk about it)
2. If you are 3 or above, what would help to relieve anxiety on this issue?
3. What are you curious about regarding this issue? What do you wish you knew, that you don’t?
4. How do you want to be? How do you want have this conversation?
5. What is the truest thing you can say about this topic and its significance to you?
SEXUAL PURITY RESOURCES (GENERAL)
**PLEASE NOTE that Bethel cannot vet every word of each source below**
· The Meaning of Marriage – Tim Keller
· Loves Me, Loves Me Not: The Ethics of Unrequited Love – Laura Smit
· The End of Sexual Identity – Jenell Williams Paris
· Redeeming Sex – Debra Hirsch
· Sexual Character – Marva J. Dawn
· Love, Sex & Dating – Andy Stanley (there is also a 4-week study that goes with this book)
· Real Sex – Lauren Winner
· Moral Revolution – Kris Valloten
· Finally Free – Heath Lambert
· Overcoming Sin and Temptation – John Owen
· Holiness – JC Ryle
· The Game Plan – The Men’s 30-Day Strategy for Attaining Sexual Integrity – Joe Dallas
Books for Parents:
· Teaching Your Children Healthy Sexuality: A Biblical Approach to Preparing Them for Life – Jim Burns
Group Studies: (some may be appropriate for mixed gender groups, others may need to have same-gender groups
· The Song of Solomon sermon series by Tommy Nelson - https://www.christianbook.com/solomon-classic-curriculum-guide-marriage-
· New Rules for Love, Sex & Dating – Andy Stanley
· The Conquer Series – The Battle Plan for Purity (for men)
· Tim Keller: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jUWnE6GeOiE
· John Piper: Desiring God - Sex and the Supremacy of Christ
· Mark Kotchapaw – Nov 2013 – “Sex Isn’t Just Sex!” (access on Bethel’s website)
· Sandra Bradley - https://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/name/_Kingston_Ontario_309253
· Kathy Doornekamp - http://www.doornekampassociates.ca/
· Robert O’Brian - http://www.newlifepotentials.ca/